(Taken from police records, this is the suicide note of Kurt Cobain)
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complaind. This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings from the punk rock 101 Courses over the years, it's my first introduction to the, shall we say ethics involvewith independence and the embracement of your communtity has been proven to be very true.
I haven't felt excitement of listening to, as well as creating music, along with really writing something for too many years now. I feel guilt beyond words about these things, for example when we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowd begins. It doesn't affect me in the way which it did for Freddy Mercury, Whoseemed to love and relish the love and admiration from the crowd, which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I cant fool you, any of you. It simply isn't fair to you, or to me. The worst crime can think of would be to pull people off by faking it, pretending as if I'm having one 100% fun.
Sometimes I feel as though I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on-stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it, and I do, God believe me, I do, but it's not enough. I appreciate the fact that I, and we have affected, and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of the narcisists who only appreciate things when they're alone. I'm too sensitive, I need to be slightly numb in order to regain enthusiasm. But, what's sad is our child. On our last three tours, I've had a much betterappreciation of all the prople I've known personally, and as fans of our music. But I still can't get out the frustration, the guilt, and the sympathy I have for everybody. There is good in all of us, and I simply love people too much. So much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little sensitive unappreiative pisces Jesus man! why dont you just enjoy it? I dont know!
I have a wife who sweats ambition and empathy, and a daughter who reminds me to much of what I used to be. full of love and joy, every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point where I can barely function. I cant stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable self destructive, deathrockre she become. I have it good, ver good, and I'm grateful, since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along and have empathy. Empathy only because I love and feel for people too much I guess. Thank you from the pit of my burning nauseas stomach for your letters and concern during the last years. I'm too much of a neurotic moody person and I don't have the passion anymore, so remember, it's better to burn out, than fade away. Peace, love, empathy, Kurt Cobain.
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar. Please keep going Courtney for Frances for her life which will be so much happier without me. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU!